86j-Emily Leatrice 1953-1956- The lifestyle of one real 1950s housewife, Part 10-Going with the flow

Series Note

This posting is Part 10 of “The Lifestyle of one real 1950s housewife” series based on memories and family stories EmilyAnn’s late Mom, Aunties and Grandmothers shared with her as she was growing up. 

Introduction

In May of 1954, Emily Leatrice and Frank Jesse celebrated their fourth anniversary.  On the outside, the birth of a daughter, Frank’s promotion to a supervisory position at his job, and the ownership of a 1-family house all gave the appearance that Emily’s life was on a steady path to fulfilling the American Dream of entry to the middle of the middle-class. 

Emotionally, though, Emily Leatrice found it very difficult accepting the parting of ways with the cousins who were also the companions and best friends of her childhood and adolescence.  But as the greater changes in Post WWII America continued, the move of many of her cousins to the suburbs contributed to the differences in lifestyle, expectations and outlook that was sending all of them into different directions.  Emily Leatrice realized that both she and her cousins were much more embedded in their new family networks of in-laws, children and neighbors.  She gained a sense of composure by accepting the changes as out of her control.  When EmilyAnn asked how this was possible Emily simply said that she realized that the passage of time was like a river flowing onwards.  To live meant to go with that flowing, not resist it.  It took courage to continue the journey but there was much to look forward and learn as well.  This outlook enabled her Emily Leatrice to appreciate the new relationships she was developing with her sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws.  Each had something unique to offer her, especially since they were very adept at handling Blanche and Al, Frank’s parents, with confidence, tact and humor.

Relationship Notes

Emily Leatrice was the daughter of Sam and Josie (nee Muro) Serrapede.  She married Frank Jesse Terry* at the age of 19 in 1950.  Things in the marriage were dream-like and perfect until Frank’s parents played a major part in helping Emily and Frank purchase a one family house shortly before EmilyAnn was born in 1953.  Frank’s parents, Blanche and Al Terry*, assumed a very familiar and more active role in the marriage after the purchase of the house.  While the financial help they offered kept Frank very amendable and close to his father, Emily began to look at things less favorably.  She questioned at what price to her marriage the lessening of privacy and the bond of husband to wife was having on her view of Frank’s family.  The marriage was not yet in any serious trouble but Emily needed some direction for handling her father-in-law’s family who were highly engaging, talkative, observant, and always in search of the next social event or outing.  They were also quite taken with the Terry family name and accomplishments.  These were accomplishments the immediate family knew about and assumed everyone else knew about when in truth most who married into the family rarely learned what all the fuss was about. 

Frank Jesse had three siblings.  In this posting we introduce their spouses.  Emily got along well with her sister-in-laws and brother-in-laws.  She considered them as each having admirable qualities, she planned to teach EmilyAnn to appreciate.  They also were always ready to offer support or advice to Emily Leatrice when Blanche and Al’s well-meaning help became overbearing.

Frank’s siblings were:

• Alfred Anthony
• Robert Edward
• Maureen

They were introduced in these earlier postings which provide a synopsis of the inter-relationships between them and Emily.  Maureen has a prominent place in the series and establishes herself as a key figure in Emily Leatrice’s life.  The postings are:

77c-Serrapede Family in America-Emily meets Frank’s family Part 1

77c-Serrapede Family in America-Emily meets Frank’s family Part 2

77c-Serrapede Family in America-Emily meets Frank’s family Part 3

77c-Serrapede Family in America-Emily meets Frank’s family Part 4

Blanche and Al at their Silver Wedding Anniversary

Thank you card from the Silver Anniversary party for Blanche and Al in 1951.  From the Josie Muro Serrapede collection. 

86i-Emily Leatrice 1953-1955-The lifestyle of one real 1950s housewife, Part 9-The Flash

Series Note

This posting is Part 9 of “The Lifestyle of one real 1950s housewife” series based on memories and family stories EmilyAnn’s late Mom, Aunties and Grandmothers shared with her as she was growing up. 

Introduction

When the weather did not permit a brisk walk into the heart of Dyker Heights where the mini-mansions were located, Emily spent the time engaging with EmilyAnn in different ways.  The walks were becoming what Emily called one of the highlights of each day.  She coined her own meaning for the word “highlight” by separating it into the two words high and light.  When EmilyAnn was stressed out due to being in a Special Enriched Program during Junior High School, Emily explained the benefits of going on a long walk by using her personal meaning for highlight.

The walk, Emily said, would be of benefit if EmilyAnn emptied herself and concentrated on the exertion of walking briskly up the hills of the 80s Streets from 13^th Avenue up towards 10th Avenue.  She could even walk up to 86th and Fifth Avenue if the walk was on a Saturday morning.  The feeling of “reaching the heights” or a “high place” came from the exhilaration that followed the physical exercise and meeting the challenge.  By challenge Emily meant achieving the goal set by walking however many blocks were determined ahead of time.  The feeling of “light” came as a result of focusing on all the sights one encountered while on the walk.  This was especially true if one particular object was the focus such as seeing and noting the different types of trees, or the different birds and their calls, or even the different flowers in the gardens of each house.  The impact of experiencing “light” came later, when resting after the walk.  There was an ability to let go of whatever was so emotionally fraught before and consider the matter more clearly.  Or there could be a feeling of refreshment and a desire to eat well and get some rest.  Whatever had to be taken care of would be attended to and a resolution achieved.  These fruits from Emily’s experiences during her walks were yet to be in a concrete form that she could articulate and expand on when EmilyAnn was still a baby. They were slowly being cultivated through maintaining, as much as possible, a routine where time was spent apart from the mundane round of chores each day.  The practice also included an abstinence from all idle talk whether in person or by phone. 

The regularity of this routine was of great benefit mainly to Emily at this point. She knew she had an hour of focus and relaxation ahead.  When the weather was bad Emily read a book or magazine, as EmilyAnn played in the room.  Often, she read parts of the magazine or book to EmilyAnn.  At other times they watched TV program together or took a nap. Emily was beginning to be aware of the fact she really was her father’s daughter.  How she enjoyed those naps! It would be several years, though, before she came to the full awareness that like her father Sam, she was an introvert who enjoyed socializing but was easily drained of all focus when she was unable to rest and retreat between outings, family parties and especially holiday related travel and socializing.  

In the meantime, when EmilyAnn was nearing her 2nd birthday, Emily began to sense another change in her ability to anticipate events or react to sudden changes in her surroundings, especially if things were about to take a turn where issues of safety were involved.

Relationship Notes

Emily Leatrice Serrapede was 22 years old when her daughter EmilyAnn was born in 1953.  Her husband Frank Jesse Terry* came from a family of successful business people who relied on entertaining and socializing as a means to expand their business-related contacts.  The Serrapede family followed a modest lifestyle, most of which was quiet due to Emily’s Dad, Sam, having a penchant for making his home not only his castle but his fortress against all the ups and downs of what he called the outside world.  Emily grew up knowing a very reliable and steady rhythm of life where Sundays, were the main days for short visits to the family followed by leisurely hours before getting ready on Sunday for the workweek beginning Monday.

Sam (Sabato) Serrapede, Sr. was 53 years old when his granddaughter, EmilyAnn was born.  He was the husband of Josie Muro Serrapede and father of Emily Leatrice Serrapede, Gerald (passed away at 3 yrs. of age), and Junior (Sammy).  Sam immigrated from Agropoli to New York in the late 1920s.  His son Sammy (Sabbatino), Jr. related to EmilyAnn that in Agropoli, Sam was very unhappy living at home.  He worked as a fisherman by day and often slept on the beach at night.  He scrimped and saved to get the money for a one way ticked to New York. 

Sam did not speak of his father Gennaro or his mother Emilia, but he did love all his brothers and sisters very much.  Sam’s love of solitude and his respect for maintaining a healthy diet, routine and recognition of rest and quiet time were all habits he cultivated in Emily and later encouraged in EmilyAnn.  We think that perhaps the nights when Sam slept on the beach watching the men fish at night with their lanterns shining on the waters, seeing the stars above the promenade of the Old Town of Agropoli high above the beach, and then watching the morning sun turn the waters of the Mediterranean copper, red and gold at sunrise gave him that appreciation of solitude and time apart.

Family Story:  The Flash

Emily established a sense of control and privacy over her household by limiting the number of people she invited over her house. She and Frank still did not have a formal dining room that could be used for hosting a Sunday afternoon dinner.  This did not bother her parents or in-laws because they thought using the dining area as a playroom for EmilyAnn was a great idea.  Emily did not believe babies and small children should roam freely in a kitchen or living room because of hazards that awaited them there.  A room that was sufficiently child proofed as she liked to say, was best.  EmilyAnn’s playroom was quite sparse having a small rug in the center, and all electrical outlets blocked by a few pieces of furniture that held her toys.  Within this room she could scatter her toys wherever she wanted and was close enough for Emily to watch. 

A sense of cheerful activity pervaded the house even though it was sparsely furnished.  Emily and Frank thought that for now, with a small child in their midst, it was better not to get caught up with maintaining furniture and all the display of glassware, knick-knacks and “what not” as Frank said that ended up pervading and sometimes taking over a well-lived in home.  It was the people who lived in a house that made it a home, not the number of items owned.  Better furniture would come in time, for now it was a case of making do.

Most weekdays Emily was now able to maintain a routine and fulfill her responsibilities as a homemaker.  She looked forward each day to her walks with EmilyAnn in the carriage.  When that was not possible, she still claimed that hour as theirs and spent time resting, reading or watching TV.  When she resumed her round of chores Emily often found herself in what she described as a state of being “in tune” with the people and world around her.  For example, she would think about going outside to check the clothes drying on the line even though she knew they might still be damp.  Right away, the kitchen door of the next door neighbor’s house opened.  Emily and the neighbor engaged in some conversation.  The neighbor noted that Emily was tired sometimes and said she could pick up a few items at the A&P down the block.  The offer of this kind assistance touched Emily greatly and increased her belief that something deeper was happening in her life.

This state of “being in tune” extended to getting a feeling that something she needed was available right in the neighborhood.  Emily favored going to A&S Department Store in downtown Brooklyn to buy her stockings but one day she had this urge to go to Neckritz on 75th Street and 13th Avenue.  Neckritz was a small, family owned store right on the corner that had just about anything and everything in clothing for the entire family.  Emily never expected to find seamed stockings in her favorite shades of taupe and coffee but there they were, just a 10-minute walk away. 

When Emily spoke about the benefits rest, exercise and time apart had for her, most members of her in-law’s family dismissed it as coincidence.  But Emily’s father Sam would smile whenever small things like this happened and she shared the events with him.  He’d make what seemed like an obscure remark along the lines of, “A little birdie must’ve told you about it!”  Josie would tell Sam to stop the nonsense but Emily would say her father was right.  Josie did not understand what this line of talking and smiling between father and daughter was all about.

86h-Emily Leatrice 1953-1955-The lifestyle of one real 1950s housewife, Part 8 – Losing Rita

Series Note

This posting is Part 8 of “The Lifestyle of one real 1950s housewife” series based on memories and family stories EmilyAnn’s late Mom, Aunties and Grandmothers shared with her as she was growing up. 

Introduction

By holiday season of 1954 Emily Leatrice had recovered from the post-partum slump she entered after the birth of her daughter, EmilyAnn in November of 1953.  She enjoyed interacting with three middle aged female neighbors on a regular basis, one of whom she would socialize with over coffee once a week or so.  Emily’s husband Frank, was happy to see her interacting with the neighbors, as well as eating balanced meals and going on her morning walks with EmilyAnn in the baby carriage.

Frank and Emily had cousins who moved away from Brooklyn to Long Island.  In the early to mid-1950s Long Island was THE place to buy a new house and raise a family.  Developers were building houses that were within the reach of middle-class professionals.  There was an element of status attached to a move to Long Island and the cousins were eager to entertain their relatives who still lived in Brooklyn. 

Emily did not like travelling with a baby since she found it very stressful.  She firmly believed that from infancy until the age of 5 it is better for a child to take only short, limited trips away from home.  Emily also thought that travel to Long Island was expensive and something that should only be done for a very special occasion.  She preferred making the most of where she was rather than be far from home and expose a baby to unfamiliar surroundings.  How she managed to travel with cloth diapers and bottled formula is a detail she never covered when she later shared these memories and stories with EmilyAnn. Whenever Emily retold the stories of the drives to Long Island, she repeatedly emphasized her reasons for opposing long distance travel with an infant. 

Emily’s main concern centered around the fact that Frank was working 6 days a week.  He was finding the strain of commuting into New York City too much.  Frank made a joke about how tired he was whenever the relatives asked why they hadn’t seen him.  He said that since becoming a parent his new hobby was taking a nap.  He did not want to complain about his full-time job since his father, Al, worked at the same company.  With the way the relatives on his side openly discussed each other he did not want anything to reflect badly on his parents. 

86g-Emily Leatrice 1953-1955-The lifestyle of one real 1950s housewife, Part 7-Good Neighbors

Series Note

This posting is Part 7 of “The Lifestyle of one real 1950s housewife” series based on memories and family stories EmilyAnn’s late Mom, Aunties and Grandmothers shared with her as she was growing up. 

Introduction

Emily Leatrice had much to consider before hosting a Coffee Klatch.  During the 1950s a housewife was judged by how well she kept her home.  Neighbors judged her as a mother by how the children were dressed, their manners and interactions with others.  And as a wife she was judged by whether or not her husband was respectful towards her and came home from work on time.  Emily was cautious for good reason. 

The 1950s was a time when silent judgements were made about one’s moral character based on conformance to external standards of behavior.  A good woman was a married woman and a married woman was a good wife when she gave her husband children, a clean home and a meal cooked from scratch.  A woman who divorced a man known to have treated her badly was still stigmatized to such an extent children were discouraged from playing with her children. 

Emily’s concerns were not at such a deep level yet she wanted to avoid attracting a gossip or lazy person into her home.  She wanted to form friendships with women in the neighborhood with whom she felt comfortable and who could be trusted. 

Emily and Frank had moved into a 6-room house with only the furniture from a 3-room apartment.  Their daughter EmilyAnn did not have a fancy layette, baby carriage or even a nursery.  For her there was a changing table and a crib.  Whatever the family had was functional and fulfilled a necessity.  There was no dining room set and not much of a living room suite either.  If Emily was to have someone outside of the family visit, she wanted to make sure they would not take the lack of a completely furnished house as something to gossip about.

Relationship Notes

Emily Leatrice Serrapede married Frank Jesse Terry* in 1950.  She was 19 and he was 23 years of age.  Their first child, EmilyAnn, was born in November 1953.  Up until the fourth month of her pregnancy Emily worked as a legal secretary.  In the months following EmilyAnn’s birth, Emily had many adjustments to make:  living on one salary, being a full-time housewife, and a bad bout of the post-partum Baby Blues. 

Right before EmilyAnn was born Emily and Frank moved into a 1 family house in Dyker Heights, Brooklyn, New York. Emily found it challenging to select new friends on the block since she knew nothing about the families.  There was nobody who could advise her on who was good company and who was to be avoided.  As she thought about inviting a neighbor or two to coffee Emily realized she already had friendly relationships with a few women on the block.  She decided to cultivate these women as friends even though others on the block frequently told her to seek out younger women to talk to. 

Family Story:  The Good Neighbors

When Emily Leatrice and Frank moved into the house at the end of the row, they were not anticipating making many friends on the block.  With a baby on the way there was no time for socializing and getting to know new people.  Still, Emily and Frank knew it was essential to be on good terms with all the neighbors in the row since they all shared a community driveway that ran in back of the houses.

It also was to one’s advantage to be courteous to all the neighbors and exchange pleasant small talk since each neighbor kept an eye out for the children during the times they were playing outside.  It also was not unusual for a neighbor to accept a delivery when the recipient was out. 

Sharing the driveway sometimes required a discussion between neighbors when one neighbor was expecting to pull out of the driveway and needed the cooperation of the other neighbor further up to move their car at that time.  This was a situation Frank was often in since he lived at the end of the row.  It would not do to ignore any neighbor and then ring their doorbell only when they were needed for something.  That was not how living on the block went.

Good neighbors also took notice when another neighbor had a complaint about their child.  Only a few neighbors loudly yelled at naughty children who pulled flowers from their gardens or threw gum wrappers onto their stoops.  Most neighbors admonished them but never loudly or in a way to attract attention.  The usual and accepted course of action was for the neighbor affected by the child’s naughty behavior to take the matter up with their parents.  The affected neighbor rang the parent’s doorbell and asked for permission to step inside for a few minutes.  During that time the neighbor relayed their complaint and the parent then took care of disciplining their child.

Emily and Frank had expected the young parents on the block to be the first they became familiar with after EmilyAnn’s birth.  Some couples did acknowledge them but for the most part there were four middle aged people living in three of the row houses who became good neighbors to Frank and Emily.  As EmilyAnn was growing up, Emily often cited these good neighbors for the many small, often unnoticed ways they were helpful and kind.

One of the Good Neighbors was{

• Mrs. Robertazzi, a widow, who lived at the end of the row.

What these Good Neighbors had, Emily always emphasized to EmilyAnn, was consistency in how they behaved.  There were never any doubts about them meaning what they said and meaning what they did.  Their thoughts, words and actions all carried forward in a predictable and respectable way.  That, Frank often added, was a mark of a reliable person.  One could even extend trust to them should the opportunity arise to become better acquainted.

EmilyAnn was instructed to always call them by their proper name and use Mrs. or Mr. according to who she spoke to.  With the exception of Mrs. Robertazzi, who was a real firecracker when she got worked up about something, the other Good Neighbors were very focused and conversed in a low-key manner.  Together, these Good Neighbors helped Emily re-engage with the outside world after experiencing a post-partum slump into which she retreated in early 1954.

86e-Emily Leatrice 1953-1955-The lifestyle of one real 1950s housewife, Part 6-The Coffee Klatsch

Series Note

This posting is Part 6 of “The Lifestyle of one real 1950s housewife” based on memories and family stories my late Mom, Aunties and Grandmothers shared with me when I was growing up. 

Introduction

Emily Leatrice wanted relief from what she called “Baby Babble”, the cries and now the sounds like “ah ah ah” EmilyAnn was making as 1954 advanced into Summer.  Emily still found it difficult adjusting to the long days in the house and the lack of intelligent conversation from another adult now that she was a full-time housewife and mother.  There had to be a way, she thought, to remain engaged with her cousins still living in Brooklyn.  Or perhaps she might even make one good friend from amongst the neighbors.  What Emily wanted was to do so in an easy, informal style of getting together.

Emily thought about the stories she told EmilyAnn when they came home from their walks in Dyker Heights.  The stories always centered around little girls who had a tea party in the garden of a particular mini-mansion on 82nd Street just slightly above 13th Avenue.  These nursery tea parties were filled with butterflies, birds twittering around the garden fountain and fairies flying in and out amongst the flowers.  Yet in reality, Emily thought that asking a neighbor to a tea party sounded presumptuous.  As far as she knew, and from what she had seen in the world around her, tea was something you drank with sugar and lemon when you felt ill. 

Josie, Emily’s mother, was too busy raising her younger child Junior who was now 12 years old to have much patience with Emily’s search for a way to entertain her cousins or neighbors at mid-morning or early afternoon.  All she could offer was an admonishment: “Make sure your home doesn’t become a parking lot.”  By that Josie implied that too many get-togethers had the potential not to attract friends but rather lazy women and their ill-mannered children who made themselves too comfortable in the home of the hostess.  As a working mother Josie could not see the point of too many mid-morning or early afternoon engagements for a young mother.  She reminded Emily that she wouldn’t always have a cleaning woman so she might as well get used to using her time productively and take care of the house and pay more attention to meal preparation.

Emily heard the phrase “Kaffee Klattsch” from her sister-in-law Maureen.  Although Maureen was only 19, she had more experience in all things domestic that far exceeded Emily.  Maureen learned all the ins and outs of entertaining, planning meals, shopping, decorating and being very present during a gathering from her mother Blanche.  Once Emily learned what a Coffee Klatsch was she began to plan for one of her own.

Relationship Notes

Emily Leatrice Serrapede was born in Brooklyn in 1931 and attended schools in the public education system.  She graduated from Bay Ridge High School with a Commercial Diploma in secretarial studies, typing and Pittman Steno.  In May 1950 she married her fiancé of three years, Frank J. Terry.*

Emily Leatrice worked for the Brooklyn law office of attorney Charles M. Graham after graduation and up until the time she was 4 months pregnant with her daughter, EmilyAnn, in 1953.  Emily enjoyed reading mysteries, historical novels, detective stories and following publicized trials and investigations in the news.  Housework and all things domestic were activities she undertook with a detached point of view and not a great deal of enthusiasm. 

Blanche Flashenberg Terry* was Emily’s mother-in-law.  She was born in Manhattan’s Lower East Side in 1905 to Orthodox Jewish parents who immigrated from Galicia to the United States in the late 1890s-early 1900s. In 1926 Blanche married Al Terry* in a civil ceremony at Brooklyn Borough Hall. 

Blanche held weekly coffee hours that really extended into 2 to 2 1/2 hours in the evening.  Family, friends and Al’s business associates all came to enjoy coffee, homemade cake and sandwiches or crackers with tasty spreads, also homemade.  The women Blanche enjoyed socializing with at these gatherings were Mrs. Sylvia Goodman, wife of Dr. Goodman, and Blanche’s sister Belle Arens.  There may have been other women Blanche socialized with but these are the two Emily remembered and later shared many memories about with her daughter EmilyAnn.

Maureen was Blanche and Al’s youngest child.  She married Alex Malinowski in 1953 at the age of 19.  Alex and Maureen lived in the upstairs apartment of Blanche and Al’s two family house.  Maureen settled into her married life very quickly because she loved homemaking, cooking and entertaining.  In the first months of her marriage Maureen frequently entertained her brothers and sister-in-laws, as well as her friends.  She developed a reputation for being a good hostess just like her mother.

Family Story:  Conversation and Coffee

Maureen noticed how limited Emily’s circle of daily contacts were as Spring of 1954 edged into the Summer.  Maureen suggested that Emily think about making one or two friends with young mothers on the block. 

“You need some variety,” Maureen advised Emily.  “Get out and talk to someone outside of the family.  Sometimes they can be just the person you need.”  Maureen knew, as Emily was now finding out, how overbearing Al was and how he used Blanche as the go-between to persuade his sons and daughter-in-laws to come around to his way of doing things.

To cheer Emily up, Maureen made her some hostess aprons and encouraged her to wear them when she got her own Coffee Klatsch together.  Maureen had regular coffee hours or evenings similar to those Blanche held.  The difference was that the purpose of her gatherings was purely social.

The more Emily looked at the pretty aprons the more the idea of a Coffee Klatsch appealed to her.  First she thought about what she needed and how many people she should include.   She thought having one good friend among the housewives on the block was, as she told EmilyAnn when she was older, “just her speed”.